Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Some Diary Pages..... Page 2

Date: 26-Jan

HE:
  Today, there was public holiday so I got lot of time to think and analyze the situation. What was my fault? I haven’t done anything wrong. I didn’t ever talk to her, I never tried to flirt, I never gossiped about her except for my close friends. I am even sure that none of my co-travelers in the bus know that I like her. Whenever I stare at her I take necessary precaution as not to be too obvious. I don’t want to embarrass her in any way. When I am trying my best for this, then why did she have such cruel expressions on the face?
 I think either she knows now that I like her and stare at her and she doesn’t want to encourage me or simply, she just hates me for no reason, just like many of my classmates who hate me for no reason.
 I don’t know what to do now, but either ways I think she just doesn’t want me to be anywhere around her. She just hates me. Just one more failure. Does it hurt? Yes it does, but I am very much used to it. I’ll try my best not to look at her. I don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t like. I will try to forget her as if she was just one more dream in my life which simply didn’t come true. Probably, I don’t deserve to be with her. This is fate afterall. I will have to obey it.

SHE:
  Today was a holiday. So I couldn’t see him, although I wanted to. I actually wanted to apologize for whatever happened yesterday. I got into the bus and searched for the seat. He was sitting alone on the seat for 3, it was a good chance for me to sit with him and have a word or two. I was just thrilled. I was about to sit on the same seat when Kruti said something. I didn’t hear it properly so I turned to her. She said, ”See, Raghav is there, he has reserved seats for us.” I just hate that Raghav, he is always ready to flirt provided the other person is a girl. Whenever I see him, somehow I try my best to be as away from him as I can, I even show hatred to him directly on my face but this guy simply ignores this. I don’t know why Kruti likes him so much.
 So the point is I went to the seat that Raghav had reserved specially for us. I felt really bad for Niru, but if I would have denied Raghav’s offer and would have sat on Niru’s seat; it would have just been too obvious. He must have felt embarrassed. Poor guy.

Date: 27-Jan

SHE:
   Today he seemed to have lost in thoughts. When he got into the bus, surprisingly he didn’t search for me. He even didn’t look up. He just went straight to the last seat and started reading a novel. I tried looking at him once or twice but he didn’t lift his head at all. I think he is hurt, I am feeling sorry, but what can I do? When we got down at the office gate, I purposefully lingered a bit more at the gates to give back him a smile, but I couldn’t spot him in the crowd. Niru, I am sorry, please be normal again.

Date: 28-Jan

SHE:
   Today I saw him in the food court. He was there with two girls and was chatting, laughing, cracking jokes. He seemed to enjoy the company. Is he also a typical boy who just wants to have as many girls around him as possible? Is he a typical flirt? Does he want me also to get included in that group for showcasing?
 Probably the two girls were just good friends of him. At least I hope so. Please god please let those be his sisters or just friends, nothing else.

Date: 3-Feb

HE:
   Since that evening thing has happened, I have left staring at her. I don’t know but some inner voice is telling me to keep away. I am not a street walking beggar to be treated like this. She might consider herself whatever she might think of. She is beautiful, indeed, but that doesn’t mean she can insult me like that. I have sward not to look at her again anymore and just to avoid her looks.
 But I can’t stay like this. I just like her and want to be with her. She has committed a mistake, but wasn’t that a bit natural. She doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to encourage my feelings about her. Simple isn’t it? That’s it. A complete halt for my feelings and my dreams, but I don’t think I can manage not to have even a look at her. Will I be able to do it?
 There is some saying, ‘Oh god, change the situations around me to favor me. At least give me the strength to change it. If I can’t change it, at least give me the strength to bear it.’ Oh God, please listen to me.

GOD:
    You don’t remember me when you are happy or contempt, do you? When there is a problem or a really difficult situation, then you start remembering me or praising me, don’t you? I still won’t interfere here.  My world is a complex entity with each and every thing or event properly planned for some specific future as well as past reason. Why should I interfere and break the balance of all these systems myself?

To be continued.....

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